Summertime - Bar-B-Que'd Bermuda Grass

Well gang, I am so sorry I griped about the cold weather last Winter. I apologize to whatever weather god is listening and to all my friends (both of 'em). I'm sure the endless heat this summer is all my fault. I swear that if I knew somebody heard me and had the power to respond I would have toned my bitching down. My lawn is now a crispy critter. I don't need to mow. I just walk around and the grass breaks off at the root and makes a little "Scritchhh" sound.
My dog is doing all he can to keep his favorite plants alive, but he has a limited supply of ammunition and in his delusional state, he thinks he can keep up.
If this stuff were edible I might not be quite so angry. Heck, if the heat equally affected plants I like and those I have to pull out I would just nod my head and go with it. However weeds seem to have a tolerance for sunshime that is not shared by the $39.99 hybred piece of crap that I spent 3 hours digging a hole for and an additional $30.00 in imported dirt trying to create a comfy bed to grow in.
Arghhh...I gotta go run up a bill with the water company and then go buy some chemicals that will cause the local tree huggers to dance around in my driveway screamimg obscenities at me.
Where is the Swamp Thing when you need him??