Pretty Sure I Ain't dead Yet

The jury may still be out on whether my demise is in the past or future. But I owe taxes, therefore I think I'm still alive. But that's merely my current opinion. However with the current temperature and even hotter ones over the past few months, I might be wondering,"If this ain't Texas, then it might be Hell". If it's Hell, then I'm gone. I could really build a case for the Hell scenario based on the close resemblence between the current administration to 'Ole Scratch and his Minions. Anyhow this is supposed to be an affirmation that I'm still kicking as well as a wave to my friends and a warning to my enemies. Bye For now!

New Year Resolutions

I'm gonna start a new trend. I am going to wait till 2020 and evaluate what I accomplished. I will then list anything that I discovered as one of my resolutions for 2019. That way I will be flooded with endorphins for meeting my goals and my friends can issue me congratulations for the same reason. This looks like a win-win for me. Hey, I learned it from politicians and other members of government. If I see anything that looks good then I will take credit for it. If anything looks bad then I will just blame the other side. It doesn't matter what I said or did last year, last month, or last week. The public's memory and attention span is only good for about 3 days at best. Anyone attempting to show evidence that doesn't agree with my current view is a Racist (fill in the blank with the curse word of your choice) and must be lynched, impeached, of decapitated. There, I feel all better now and am looking forward to claiming victory in any endeavors that come my way. So far I have successfully predicted that Nancy Pelosi will stick her foot firmly in her mouth and therefore cannot open negotiations to end the government shutdown. Schumer has his nose so far up her rear that any noises he makes just appear as mumbling and grumbling. I'm gonna wait till I open my Christmas presents before making any more predictions.

Psssst! Don't tell anybody. This is just a little note to let all y'all know that I am still around and kicking.

Meander

Now that's an interesting word. In what passes for memory in my admittedly inaccurate brain, meander means to take a wandering non-linear path toward some goal that may either be sharply defined or nebulous in nature. There may not even involve a goal as the act of traveling or the adventure of discovery might be all that is desired. I wish I could state that there was an object lesson or a moral embedded in this entry. But obviously there is not one.
Some days do not involve a conclusion. Those days are merely the glue that keeps life from becoming a machine gun stacatto of estatic highs and terrible lows. Those days are the neutral middle of the road existance that are the basis point point by which we define the amount of joy or sadness involved in the days of epochs.
The same might be said of Good and Evil. Without a basis for measurement we would have no idea just how Good or Evil an act or an event might be.
On a scale of 1 to 10. Casey Anthony is a 9.5 in the evil direction.

Grass

Maybe I should clear the air. I'm talking about the kind of grass that grows in the yard. Not the kind that grows in some little cleared spot in the woods or in somebody's garage under $5000.00 worth of gro-lites. Well perhaps I should qualify it even further to my yard and leave Rodrigo's yard out of the equation.
Anyhow the basis for this entry is I noticed an advertisement for "Realistic Synthetic Grass". Wow, I think my head just exploded. My thoughts included all sorts of alternate universes and possible product lines that I could invest in. "Realistic Counterfeit Money" springs to the forefront. I mean, really, what other kind of appearance should synthetic grass take? Outside of some group of Italian designers pushing polkadots or bold stripes what kind of "Unrealistic Synthetic Grass" would you want in front of your typical american colonial or early federalist house?
Perhaps I have just outlived my time and slid into some sort of timewarp where Lady GaGa's Home Design company is the biggest on the planet. I suppose I should just shut up and buy stock in Crayola and sell Home Depot before it's too late.

Empty Heads

OK, I want to know if anybody out there thinks Al Roker is a bonifide weatherman? It turns out he has never taken any courses in anything to do with the weather. All he ever wanted to be was an announcer. So that is what he does. He announces the weather while reading a script from a teleprompter. He really don't know squat about the weather or being a weatherman.

I'm thinking you might see where I am going with this. At least most anyone with an 8th grade education and at least a 2 digit IQ should see this coming.

OK, I want to know if anybody out there thinks Obama is a bonifide president? As it happens everything in the first paragraph applies here too. Yep, we have elected a talking head whose only talent is the ability to read a teleprompter to the highest office in the land.

I guess we deserve it. We let some actor who can't pick out his own clothes, stay sober for seven days in a row, or stay married for over 2 months, tell us what to eat, what to wear, and what to drive. We need to make potential political electees take a SAT test. One where they have no support staff and no props or phone up lifelines. The questions should be based on the kinds of things they are trying to represent and things they might have to govern. You know, basic business things like supply costs, net profits, economic policy...things like that. No pass, no play !! I'm just tired of elected officials with no qualifications other than a plesant voice and the ability to read from a teleprompter have any power over the money that I work for or the life I choose to lead.

The More Things Change, The More I Hate 'Em

Just about every time I get to where I am comfortable with something they go and change it. Take Facebook for example. I liked the old look and feel. I was able to navigate around without much thought to driving, just enjoying the view. Suddenly I have to pay attention to where I am going and how I am getting there so I cannot pay much attention to the surroundings.
When did we lose sight of "If it Ain't Broken Don't Fix It!!" ??

Summertime - Bar-B-Que'd Bermuda Grass

Well gang, I am so sorry I griped about the cold weather last Winter. I apologize to whatever weather god is listening and to all my friends (both of 'em). I'm sure the endless heat this summer is all my fault. I swear that if I knew somebody heard me and had the power to respond I would have toned my bitching down. My lawn is now a crispy critter. I don't need to mow. I just walk around and the grass breaks off at the root and makes a little "Scritchhh" sound.
My dog is doing all he can to keep his favorite plants alive, but he has a limited supply of ammunition and in his delusional state, he thinks he can keep up.
If this stuff were edible I might not be quite so angry. Heck, if the heat equally affected plants I like and those I have to pull out I would just nod my head and go with it. However weeds seem to have a tolerance for sunshime that is not shared by the $39.99 hybred piece of crap that I spent 3 hours digging a hole for and an additional $30.00 in imported dirt trying to create a comfy bed to grow in.
Arghhh...I gotta go run up a bill with the water company and then go buy some chemicals that will cause the local tree huggers to dance around in my driveway screamimg obscenities at me.
Where is the Swamp Thing when you need him??

Winter Sports for Couch Potatos

Spelling Bees is the only one that comes to mind. But only if you can do it lying down. There are no TV watching olympic catagories as of my last check (Curling comes close).

Aw please get the stupid talking heads off the air

Watching CNN yesterday (Yeah, usually a waste of time).


But those idiots did something so stupid that I am compelled to comment.
They were talking about the semi-failed car bomb attempt.
These morons were telling the bomber all the things he/she did wrong and how to fix them.

"You need to mix fuel oil (not gasoline) and fertilizer directly together".
"Just having cans of gas on the front seat won't work".
"You need to use a blasting cap and detonator. For a bigger bang".
"Your wiring was amateurish. You need to neaten it up."

So I guess the next time with all the mistakes corrected this nutcase will be able to kill a few people and make a bigger headline for the news pronouncers on CNN??
They did however leave out one important point.

"You need to stand real close so your detonator signal is strong enough".

Hetero vs. Homo a viewpoint

Every species that God intended to endure has a means of procreation. They do not. So by opposing them you are forcing them to dance about and wave smoke and mirrors and shout a lot. That's all they can do. They can never accept this logic because it signals the end of days for their kind. They cannot accept that and stay sane so they band together in support of each other and protest. They are hoping that enough normal people will exhibit enough kindness that they will be allowed to strut a few remaining seconds on the stage of life before the inevitable end. Whether they blame God, Nature, or Mankind, matters little. The weak and deadend forms of life perish. It is the one law Congress cannot change.
Consider that "Survival of the Fittest" does not always mean the strongest, the most clever, the loudest, or the most numerous.  It usually means the one that endures. Procreation is the cornerstone of endurance. Even having it is no guarantee.  Dinosaurs are an example.  But without it nothing else matters.

Male Egos

Here's one for all the males out there that have stumbled into facebook and re-connected with all thier friends from way back in highschool.  Yep, a whole lot of people made some excellent lifechoices and are doing way better that you are. Old "so and so" who couldn't even tie his shoelaces without help in 12th grade has made a small fortune in real estate and owns a bunch of strip malls while spending all his time taking cruises around the South Seas and Alaska.  While you are wondering how you are gonna keep up the payments on your wife's Chrevolet.
Just remember this... Outlive the SOB.  I don't care how much money he made while he was alive. Dancing on his grave feels good. There is no better form of revenge to compare to standing there saying," I told him to slow down but... Noooo!".

Still kicking

This is a short one. I am just letting everyone know I am still alive.  And yep, I'm still PO'd at the current state of the union, economy, and the administration.
We are so far in debt that we may never see the light of day. If China forecloses on the paper it is holding then they own the U.S. lock stock and barrel.
Speaking of barrels, what are all the oil skimmers doing with the oil they pick up? It is highly contaminated with salt water so I don't think they can sell it to Exxon or something.  Maybe they are dumping it in Washington D.C.?? Nobody would notice with all the crap flowing out of the capitol these days.

Bummertime

So what the hell happened to Summer and Fall?  One minute I am all about getting caught up on mowing the grass and the next second I am worried about frost on the plants.  On top of that I am getting pressured to get out the Christmas lights and all that stuff.
The dogs don't know what to do either.  They want to go outside, but not in all that cold stuff.  Surely one of those doors opens into a warm spot, don'cha think?
I'm just not ready for this yet.
Somebody save me.
Argghhh!

Thanksgiving From a Senior Point of View

Wow, we just finished another holicay turned into commercialism. There was way more mention of the Black Friday sales than there was of the original reason for the holiday. Besides at my age a change of diet is usually accompanied by a change in digestion results.  Not in a good way either. As far as I can see the only winners were the Turkey Farmers.  Damn bird was probably made in China anyhow!
I am beginning to think that the TV news shows have just given up on reporting any real news.  The talking heads only seem to get animated when discussing upcoming episodes of thier networks reality shows.  It is probably the only thing they are qualified to talk about anyhow.  They routinely mispronounce local place names and have no idea about local issues.
Back to the point. Around here Black Friday is more a discussion of the race to get the dogs outside before it turns into a Brown Friday.  It seems their digestive system is also affected by dietary changes.
I wonder how many cranberries were killed in the making of this.

Things that go Splat in the Night

Here comes the yearly Halloween events. It started last night when my 4 year old grandkid (Mr Serious) came up to me and said, "You are gonna have a Crap while you are asleep". After the initial shock I verified the pronunciation with him. Yep, that's what he said.
You need to know that this is the same kid who came crying to his pre-school teachers, thumped himself on the chest , and announced,"I broke my Scrotum"!
After the teachers started to breathe on their own again, they suggested that the word just might be "Sternum". He agreed and wandered off to resume play. That left the teachers in a melted puddle wondering where a 4 year old ran across words like Sternum and Scrotum.
After accusing everyone of teaching a 4 year old some language skills that will cause heads to spin completely around like the exorcist, I went about my business. Later Mr. Serious toddled up and asked if my leg "had a crap in it yet". Aha, the correct word just might be "cramp". Yup, he agreed and went back to torturing his sister so another mystery is history.
By the way he has agreed to be Harry Potter tonight for our annual hayride thru the neighborhood while his 7 year old sister is an "Egyptian Princess". You know...." Crap-a-patra".

Later that same century

Lets face it. Being old sucks. I cannot jump a five foot fence any more. Not even with a running start. I loaded 9 bales of hay into my pickup bed today and I was puffing like I had just finished an ironman competition. Dammit I quit smoking over 2 years ago. Where is the re-newed youth and vigor? Where is the payback thay promised me? I'll give you out there a clue. The desire doesn't go away or even dim with time. It sneaks up on you and whispers in your ear at odd times.
Oops... gotta go. The big dog just crapped on the floor and the little one is giving it the evil eye. God has this way of letting you know when you start whining that it could be a whole lot worse.

Health Care Blues

Well I'm just not sure who to believe any more. However there are some that I definitely do NOT believe on this issue. First, anyone whose title begins with "Senator" or "Representative". Second, anyone past or presently addressed as "Mr. President".
Here are some reasons why.
1. My Grandfather was around when Social Security got started. He hated it, but he obeyed the rules. The government said we were incapable of taking care of our own money. Grandad was a graduate accountant (go figure). Early on, it actually looked like it might work. It would not allow a retiree to live on it but if you had a small nest egg on the side you might survive. Then Congress decided to tap into it and drain some of the "excess" into the general fund. Recently they ruled that you did not have to put any money in before you could draw some out (how stupid is that??). A few years later they are claiming that Social Security will go broke and leave us out in the cold. Well Duh! You dumbshits tapped in and spent the money. What you didn't spend, you gave away.
2. Medicare got started during my time. Again the Government was telling us we were too stupid to spend our own money wisely. Now we are told that Medicare is going bust. A lot of doctors refuse to accept medicare patients. Well Duh again!! The paperwork is more expensive to fill out and maintain than the medicine plus the treatment. What might work as a health care rule in New Jersey will just not work in Montana. An example was the national 55 mph speed limit.
3. Here comes government run health care. Yep, they are saying we are too stupid to use our own money to go to the Doctor. Anybody want to take any bets? Canada is an example. they stream into New York and and other northern states to pay cash for medical care that they would either never get or would have to wait two years after they died to be scheduled for.
Folks, Socialism just does NOT work. The U.S.S.R. was the "Union of Soviet Socialist Republics". Biggest damn example on the planet.
Do I know the answer?? No, but I can smell Bullshit a mile away and I don't need to taste it first to know what it is. Oh yeah, I am not a Nazi or a radical fascist. However I daily grow less tolerant of some one moving in and claiming that we have been doing it all wrong for a few hundred years. My first comment is if we are so wrong and you are so right, then why are you here? No offense, but It seems that you would have been much happier if you had stayed where you came from.